Girls On Film

According to studies by numerous reputable news and research organizations pornography accounts for roughly 12% of the internet. There are 68 million search engine requests for pornographic content every day – A staggering result but one which is no surprise to many of us. We all know that it is adult websites which first caused the World Wide Web to flourish. Next week a public consultation by the government regarding this issue will end and decisions will be made on the future of what we view online.

The Daily Mail has embarked on a tirade against anything sexual online claiming that children are unwittingly being exposed to images which are “scarring” them on a daily basis. While they have evidence to reinforce this from the NSPCC and Childline alarm bells continue to ring in my mind. Firstly, any user of the internet will know that pornography does not simply creep up on you. Granted, it is easy enough to search for websites but every major porn site asks your age before you enter and restricts access if you are under 18 (or 21 in some cases). How naïve to assume that the internet is some malevolent force, pushing sordid images and videos upon innocent minors. If your child is accessing porn it is because they or their friends have went looking for it any bypassed security measures to do so. Sorry to shatter the image of your sheltered little brats. Just because you haven’t given them ‘the talk’ certainly doesn’t mean their mates in the playground haven’t already enlightened them to the Birds and the Bees.

Secondly, what is The Daily Mail’s proposed course of action against this? To make pornography “opt-in”. This means that everybody’s internet is automatically restricted and to undo this you have to call your ISP and ask someone at a call-centre if you’d like to change this. Now, call me crazy but if I want a wank I’d like not to have to ask James in Cardiff from Virgin Media, thanks very much. It is my civil liberty to be able to watch whatever I want online (given it is not illegal) and it is not OK for that to be taken away from me. Government intervention has gone too far when your access online is being restricted. I can only like it to the quote from Robert A. Henlein on censorship: “The whole principle is wrong; it's like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can't eat steak.” As long as what is being shown is not against the law, why should we be forbidden from seeing it?

It is another way for people to be made to feel dirty for doing what is normal. Pornography is certainly not a substitute for real human sexual interaction but when watched in moderation (both alone and as a couple) it can contribute to a healthy sex life. Yes, people have reported becoming addicted to it. But there are also sex addicts and alcoholics and those hooked on nicotine and none of those things are even considered taboo let alone illegal.

Parents – If you are worried your child is going to be scarred by the image of a couple having sex then please, firstly, get a grip. They see heads get kicked off in Tekken and people’s guts get blown up in action movies. They tell you they’re scared and traumatized because they’ve been caught. If they say it wasn’t their fault and they don’t know what happened then they’re not in trouble. No kid is going to tell their mum that they wanted to know what a woman’s downstairs looks like so they searched it on Google.

Furthermore if it’s that big an issue for you, feel free to add parental controls. It’s easy and free with most service providers. If that’s too hard for you? Well, you’re a lazy parent and any worries you profess to have are bullshit because if you cared that much you’d take the ten minutes and do it.

Personally, I don’t think it’s fair that busybodies and poor parenting should be to blame for censorship of the internet. Freedom is important whether it’s to be able to vote or to be able to look at fake tits and creepily large penises. WHO’S WITH ME?!

The Rise and Rise of The Lad

Lad culture was seen as something which originated in the 90s. Cheeky fellas like Damon Albarn et al getting drunk in Falkiraki and getting their bums out to bemused middle class families. And, yes, that may be correct. However, I put to you that lad culture has never really blossomed until our generation. There is only one piece of evidence I need to prove this: The fact that girls fancy Gaz from Geordie Shore.

If you’ve ever seen Geordie Shore you’ll be well aware of that it’s basically soft-core porn with added vomiting and jagerbombs. All fornication. All of the time. I actually find it highly entertaining (which probably says more about me than it does the show) but what constantly baffles me is that the men manage to get so much sex!

This is Gaz.

It might be down to personal taste but I think he looks like a weasel. He isn’t tall. His hair resembles a porcupine covered in bird shit. He does have muscles, granted, but that is definitely tainted by the addition of the warpaint all over his body which I can only assume is gravy.

His pulling  techniques include finding out where a girl is from and saying “Ah bet girls from (insert place name here) cannit kiss” and posting pictures of girls he’s had sex with sleeping the next morning on Twitter – entitling it “The Bed of Shame.”

Geordie Shore is a pretty candid show with no holds barred. He tells the camera that he’s a blatant player and wants all girls he brings back to be gone in the morning and never to be seen again. It is also a very popular show with young people so I’m sure the girls “tashing on” with this Neanderthal are aware of the fact that they are basically a vagina with a body to this bloke.

Is this really all women of 2012 expect for themselves!? It’s brilliant that women are now free to have as many casual sexual encounters as men. Yay equality! But for fuck’s sake, at least choose a man that takes your number and is averse to letting the whole world see your arse on MTV (if that situation ever were to arise).

You get girls that moan all over social networking sites that they wish they could find a man akin to Prince Charming or, better yet, Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. These are the same girls who let guys face-fuck them outside nightclubs while, as is often the case, jeering mates look on. They suck up to these guys by plastering on fake tan and back-coming their hair within in an inch of it’s life then slut-dropping all over the dancefloor. It embarrasses our gender and makes them look like desperate hookers. And for what? A three minute bang with photographic evidence for your dad to see on Facebook.

Lad culture is so much more aggressive now. Where once is was cheeky try-your-luck chat up lines it is now certain guys thinking it’s their God-given right on a night out to have sex. Girls facilitate this enormously by brown-nosing such silly bastards as though they are Adonises – They are not. They are orange jerk-offs wearing too much Topman.

So, ladies, his dick may be named “The Parsnip” but screw him and YOU will be nicknamed “The Town Bike”. His fake tan stains on your bedsheets may wash but the same of the fact you got used by a Lad will not. 

Cabaret Voltaire Rumours Quashed

A popular Edinburgh club venue officially closed its doors last week sparking fears for many Edinburgh students and locals.

Cabaret Voltaire, which has played host to such acts as Florence & The Machine, Hot Chip, Adele and Mumford & Sons shut on February 20^th but is set to reopen in March after a multi-million pound refurbishment.

However it seems that regulars of the nightclub and music venue fear that Edinburgh’s scene has been irreparably damaged and the new venture will simply be another club similar to that already available in the city.

After a recent gig at the venue which ended in many punters paying simply to see the band playing on a television screen, Scottish band, Frightened Rabbit’s frontman Scott Hutchison had this to say: “It's a shame. Aside from the recent disaster we had there, I have some great memories of Cab Vol. Some of our first Edinburgh shows took place there. The previous gig bookers were good people who cared about music. Though, as it stands I won't miss it. That said, it's a bit of a blow for Edinburgh's live music scene.”

Rumours that the club would be re-opening as “Prism” abounded online which was perpetuated further by a Facebook page which appeared for the apparent new venue.

 Messages were posted on the page such as “Cab Vol lives on. Like the main fanpage to be among the first to know about the launch party of the new club.” Furthermore the motto featured on its Facebook page is “New Name, Same Soul”.

However Rory Weller, Marketing and Communications Manager of G1 Group (who now own Cabaret Voltaire) confirmed that this was untrue. He said: “Curious about Prism - that's not something that we've ever mentioned. I've seen some Twitter chat about it but it's not something we're planning.”

Leisure industry giant G1 Group purchased the freehold of the nightclub in July 2011 and, while they suggested some changes may be made, promised that the promoter Sarah David would be given full autonomy running the venue.

Edinburgh’s nightlife has seen blow after blow as The Forest, Roxy Art House and The Lot all shut in 2011 and this year Bongo Club was given a notice to leave it’s premises in Moray House by the owners Edinburgh University,

Cabaret Voltaire is a mainstay with students in Edinburgh has won Best Nightclub at the Dram Awards and runner-up of the Best Late Night Venue at the Theme Awards.

The club is set over two rooms in the Cowgate area of Edinburgh and hosts around 30 gigs a month, helping many young Scottish bands find fame, including the aforementioned Frightened Rabbit among others.

Floristry Industry

VALENTINE’S Day and Mother’s Day, which used to bring in an increased amount of business to florists are now failing to attract customers, experts warned last night.

Florists have expressed their worry for the state of the industry due to the drop in trade they have been experiencing during the current recession.

The economic downturn has hit flower shops hard as competition from supermarkets and online operators is strong.

Caroline Marshall-Foster, editor of Florist and Wholesale Buyer magazine, warns that smaller retailers simply cannot match their large corporate spend and the convenience in which they offer which has left them fighting to keep their premises and livelihoods.

She said: “What doesn’t help florists is that you get an awful lot of online operators who order gather on an online basis which means local florists lose traffic due to the fact these companies have a much larger corporate spend and users are used to online purchasing.

More than 70% of the public’s current spend on flowers is confined to supermarkets, which may be linked to the fact that the average budget is £10.

As costs rise it seems everybody is feeling the pinch, with even the biggest supermarkets such as Tesco or Asda reducing the square footage devoted to flowers and the range available.”

Local florists, however, cannot match such low prices as they are unable to take advantage of economies of scale.

Due to the fact that flowers are a non-essential purchase people seem to be spending less on them as their disposable incomes decrease.

Jean Baker, owner of Rococo florists on Dalry Road, Edinburgh, says that she has had to in order to stay afloat: “I’ve had to drop my prices just to get by. People just can’t afford to spend what little money they have on flowers and what with the internet, there’s just so much more to choose from”.

The advice to consumers from Florist and Wholesale Buyer is to keep on buying from your local florists but shop around. “Order gatherers such as Interflora have a huge marketing budget which means you pay towards that. You also pay for the convenience of buying online or over the phone. Many local florists simply have what’s called lifestyle businesses whereby they don’t try and make a huge profit – just enough to get by. There’s also haggle room in smaller businesses, and that’s where customers make the savings.”

Valentine’s Day falls on the 14^th of February each year as a celebration of love and lovers. Traditionally red roses are given as gifts as well as other keepsakes. A study by Travelodge this year found that Brits spent over £880million on gifts with flowers being the top choice.

Mother’s Day is a day specifically for mother’s where children buy them gifts and cards. It occurs on the fourth Sunday of Lent which can fall between the 1^st of March and the 4^th of April.

Both of these dates are synonymous with commercialisation and it is often said that they were created by greetings card companies in order to make money.

For more information on the floristry industry go to www.fandwb.com