Stop The Thieves In Charge

So, readers, it appears we have another scandal on our hands. Treasurer Mark Grundig has been caught yet again with his hands in the public coffers - only this time it's not welfare cuts, he's been siphoning off cash into his family's own hedge fund business. This news has hit the blogosphere by storm since The Guardian exposed Grundig's accused embezzlement.
How long do we have to wait before we get a government intent on helping the people, instead of some jumped-up Eton boy who's in the job for even more money?
Here's us all, working our arses off every day, paying tax, looking after our kids and even then still donating to good causes. All while our bourgeoisie leaders bail out bankers who steal from us and apparently steal from us themselves.
It's time to make a change, and at the moment it feels like we're on the verge of a revolution. Me and some of the other political bloggers here in London have decided to organise a protest outside parliament as well as a Twitter thunderclap to make those rich boy thieves really take notice.
Be there at 10am on July 10th (perhaps the MPs will be out of their beds at that time) and be sure to bring signs, banners and Anonymous masks if you have them. The plan is to make this a biggie, so tell everyone you know.
The Twitter thunderclap will be at 12pm that day. We decided not to do it earlier so that police don't get wind of our protest beforehand and move it along. The hash tag is #StopThievesInCharge so this'll be all about tweeting, retweeting and making sure this gets trending.
Together we can really make a difference and stop these people who clearly don't care about the people who they're paid to make a difference for.

LET'S DO THIS UK BLOGGERS!

Summer HOLZ!

Summer time is here!.. Well if you can call a British summer that. It will be drizzly with one day of sun and 16 degrees. Anyway, does it really matter when most of us will be abusing our overdrafts to get to the proverbial 'abroad' for a week or two?

For a self-respecting girl my age going on holiday is hard enough: Working like a prostitute in Amsterdam just to pay for the thing, then trying not to lose all your human rights on the boat 'party' (prison) as well as dodging the numbers of street PRs trying to offer you 10 shots and a blow-job if you enter their rank establishment. But apparently that's not enough. Now bikinis are under fire.

I read a piece today about the rise of the 'micro bikini.' Appaz this is a totally widespread thing. See below.

I'm really sure I would've noticed full on labia at the beach. And spewed everywhere. But I have never seen one of these things before, nor do I want to ever ever ever again.

The article detailed how the pornification of our society requires women to be young and white and wear a tiny bikini and have no body hair. This is all for the approval of men and not for ourselves in any way.

Firstly... God, Karen, you can't just tell people not to be white. Plus these women are clearly porn-stars. It's not pornification if the goal is porn. No woman I know - even the super slutty ones - would wear something like this. It's fucking hideous for one. 

The fact is white women love a tan. Perhaps the frequency of women wearing such 'garments' is higher with caucasians, but I would put that down to the fact that we will literally get naked and slather ourselves in goose fat for that sweet damaged glow. The more skin on show the better.

Plus it's not for men. People - including males - wear less clothes on beaches because it's FRICKIN HOT OUT. Soz, forgot my grey fleece and thermals, I'm at the goddamn beach! 

When you're on your holidays you just let it all hang out. Before most women go, they're afraid they're gonna look like a total whale, even if they're a size 8, but in reality when you're at the pool - even the size 20 women are wearing bikinis.

The hairless thing has always been an issue for me. I like a good landscape of my lady garden before a week in the sun, sure! It's just women who feel the need to look like a large, freaky baby. But, honestly, I just want women to know that nothing's wrong. I just want them to not think they're a freak either way. Condemning a pube trim is equally as bad. Get rid of it, just don't think guys won't want you or you'll have to live in a church clocktower like Quasimodo if you don't.

This fucking feminist hate is worse than hate towards feminists. Like making women so shit-scared of every little tiny thing they do in case it's too 'sexy'. Guess what? I LOVE a bikini, and I'm not ashamed. I want a belly tan for jebus' sake.

An Eventful Night

Currently, I am tired, I have work tomorrow, I have a million better things to be doing... But I feel I need to write this.
It seems appropriate to document the events of tonight in bullet form (it's pretty long-winded)

• Comedian Rob Delaney retweeted a tweet by a guy called Tom Leykis, being nasty to some unsuspecting lady who commented that sandwich jokes are not - and, I hope you all agree, they're really not.
• This guy Leykis was getting seriously personal and nasty about this woman, and then about feminists in general, saying that people who comment on misogyny are actually more hateful and nasty than everyone. While this woman can easily stick up for herself I decided to tweet Mr Leykis.
• "@tomleykis People are hateful towards you because you're a massive a-hole not because of your gender/race/sexual orientation #learnthatshit" ... He replied...
• "@JessicaCVL My millions of listeners KNOW that I'm an asshole...and proud of it!" ... I replied ...
• "@tomleykis Well good luck to you. Spouting shit is a real talent #rectumofaman". 
• While not particularly a pleasant chat, we both got our points across and we ended it there. There was a consensus that he is an asshole, anyway? This is where it got weird.
• Quite a few people tweeted me. Apparently this guy Leykis is a radio show presenter (fuck me, they'll hire anyone, good news for my journalistic career).
• They called me a "dumb bitch," "dumb whore," "dumb bitch," (these guys are witty) "deformed," "ugly princess," "only worth is between [my] legs, if there is any at all," and said that "I need to listen to learn how to suck a dick n [sic] keep a man".
• They also wouldn't believe me that I hadn't listened to this guy's show and, for some reason, 11pm was prime time for sex so I shouldn't be tweeting them. I was also called a troll?

Isn't the internet great?!?!?!?!

It was all just really weird. But it did bring me to the conclusion that we need feminism more than ever. Before now, apart from a few real trolls commenting 'fucking feminist' on shit I've written just for the hell of it, I've never actually come into contact with such a shower of shits.

If you've read this blog before, then obviously you'll know I really care about feminism, but now more than ever before. It's like you know there are people out there that genuinely think homosexuality is evil, but until you meet them they're just 'those cunts' and when you do they're 'those REAL cunts'.

Germaine Greer said you're not a woman until you taste your own period blood, I say you're not a woman until someone's told you you're only worth comes from your cunt. My cunt is pretty awesome and priceless but I like to think other parts of me are alright too. I will continue to think this - while still promoting how brilliant my genitals are - forever. Because some guy who has an anime character as his profile picture really doesn't matter that much.

I just hope that other women don't see shit like this and get scared to stand up for themselves and others. It's not a sisterhood to me, you really don't have a duty to woman-kind. I just like to think a lot of us have the moral fibre to take on dickheads the world over and bogwash them and wear pointed toe shoes and kick their arseholes etc. These people who go round talking shit about women on the internet are probably stroking their miniscule dicks (or massive pussies, if they're ladies on the dark side ;P) while they do it... So just block them and have a huge bowl of Frosties. They're fucking delicious, seriously.

DISCLAIMER: One of these people said I'd written the original comment to promote this blog. About 3 people read it, I am aware of this. I do promote posts by tweeting and Facebooking them but this only really goes out to my friends and that's how I like it. I write this blog for personal purposes, knowing that I'm not some kind of internet star. I would never write things for 'publicity', I write shit because I believe in it (or I think it's hilarious!) Plus, I'm smarter than to write to some deadbeat radio host for blog hits.

Mulan, Danny DeVito and human faeces :)

I always knew, when deciding to start telling the world I was a feminist that there would be problems. Yet, never did I imagine the amount of sheer shit I would have to deal with. I literally feel sometimes like being a feminist means being willing to swim through a sea of shit and your flippers and armbands are made of shit and every now and then a sea monster made of shit tries to drag you down deeper into the shit and suffocate you with it's tentacles of shit.
A vast number of people will try and make things worse for you and confuse your cause with that of a militant communist lesbian (a valid cause, nonetheless, but not the one us feminists fight for). They will make you so angry you just want to go mental and get all stabby. But you do not, for you are an intelligent feminist who can calmly rationalise her arguments - except when you're drunk and screaming 'POWER TO DA PUSSAAAY'.
I've written a list of these people for your awareness, as they may take you by surprise. Remember, y'all misogynists are everywhere!

• The guy who goes 'huh huh huh, so how come you expect men to pay the bill... WELL?!?!' like he's made some kind of journal-worthy point that no arsehole has ever made before. Just tell this guy that HE is always expected to pay the bill as a gift to that woman as SHE has had to put up with his poor banter for a considerable amount of time. The subtle nuances of a relationship tend to be worked out by two people. Personally, I like to go dutch as I feel weird about being paid for by someone who probably doesn't know me very well. Regardless, this argument is the same as saying 'why do I always have to be big spoon in bed'. It's pretty pointless and irrelevant.
• The girl who tells you you're letting down the team, and that feminism is boring. All I have to say to these girls is good luck in all their future endeavours. If only someone had said to Mandela 'dude, civil rights is so boring, chill out get a mani/pedi, you look so unattractive in those prison clothes'. If you talk about it all the time, yeah it probably is boring. Same way if you CONSTANTLY talk about Phish Food ice cream or a really cute cat  or any other good things they'll become boring. I like a lambrini and a mini-dress as much as the next lass - I just happen to value myself - so I don't get too worked up on comments from girls who like to get their heads pushed down during blow jobs.
• Biological determinists. Breaking out the big words now, yo. These people will tell you that since the dawn of time men have done certain things and women have done certain things and it's all because of biology and certainly nothing to do with thousands of years of oppression. So really, us wenches should all get back to scrubbing the decks and ironing shirts and having the dinner ready for our husband's return. Fuck. Dat. Shit. Women have proved time and time again that they are able to do all of the things men can do but people still bring up the fact that women are 'motherly' and 'caring' and any other word which basically means fluffy. Many women do have these qualities - it's great to be sweet - but that doesn't mean they aren't also strong, capable, logical and clever. Christ, just look at how Mulan fooled all those Chinese army guys!
• This is one which basically confounds me. Women who say to you 'yeah right on, but tbh it's just not for me this whole feminism lark'. O rly? Is equality a bit too radical for you? To be a woman and not a feminist is like a meerkat just opting out of doing that cute little lookout thing. That's the real letting down the team. Being a feminist isn't the same as being a Jehovah's Witness. You don't have to go round the doors telling people to 'join up'. You just are. If someone abuses you or puts you down or short-changes you because you're a woman you just say no. Simples (as a true team player once said). 

There are many more people who will try to wee on your feminist cornflakes. My advice is just to eat the cornflakes and smile sweetly which trying to keep down their fetid urine - metaphorically OBV! So, as if life wasn't already a constant struggle not to physically hurt others it gets worse. I just like to pretend I'm Danny DeVito in Matilda and go "I'm right you're wrong! And there ain't nothin' you can do about it!" I actually like to pretend I'm Danny DeVito a lot. Maybe I should get that seen to.

Auld Lang SHITE

So it's January.
Happy bloody new year! I love the idea of a new year. A fresh start, a blank canvas. However, I can't help but feel like a burst balloon about four seconds after the cheek-kissing and 'happy new-year-ing' on the bells has ended.
January is the worst month because -

• Christmas (which I start preparing for and getting excited about at the beginning of October) is over. You've opened your presents and watched the Royle family and you have to wait a whole 350-something days to do it all again.
• You're properly skint as most of you got paid either before Christmas or before NYE and spunked it all away on booze and presents and sparkly outfits.
• Everyone else on the planet is on a health kick so you have to live like a disgusting alcoholic slob alone - this is very distressing.
• It's cold and snow has no resonance now that you're not feeling festive.
• The next holiday to look forward to is Valentines day which strikes fear into the heart of every woman who knows she's going to have to go to Ann Summers and purchase some piece of bright red cheese cloth and look like a joint of pork while smiling, pretending it's all ok, and hoping that with enough champagne and shit chocolates she'll have forgotten all about the ordeal by morning.
• That is unless you count Burns Night (and if you do please just fuck right off) which is essentially just eating dog food and praising a poet, who if you knew him, you'd call an utter twat and probably hate.

Have a good month.

Girls On Film

According to studies by numerous reputable news and research organizations pornography accounts for roughly 12% of the internet. There are 68 million search engine requests for pornographic content every day – A staggering result but one which is no surprise to many of us. We all know that it is adult websites which first caused the World Wide Web to flourish. Next week a public consultation by the government regarding this issue will end and decisions will be made on the future of what we view online.

The Daily Mail has embarked on a tirade against anything sexual online claiming that children are unwittingly being exposed to images which are “scarring” them on a daily basis. While they have evidence to reinforce this from the NSPCC and Childline alarm bells continue to ring in my mind. Firstly, any user of the internet will know that pornography does not simply creep up on you. Granted, it is easy enough to search for websites but every major porn site asks your age before you enter and restricts access if you are under 18 (or 21 in some cases). How naïve to assume that the internet is some malevolent force, pushing sordid images and videos upon innocent minors. If your child is accessing porn it is because they or their friends have went looking for it any bypassed security measures to do so. Sorry to shatter the image of your sheltered little brats. Just because you haven’t given them ‘the talk’ certainly doesn’t mean their mates in the playground haven’t already enlightened them to the Birds and the Bees.

Secondly, what is The Daily Mail’s proposed course of action against this? To make pornography “opt-in”. This means that everybody’s internet is automatically restricted and to undo this you have to call your ISP and ask someone at a call-centre if you’d like to change this. Now, call me crazy but if I want a wank I’d like not to have to ask James in Cardiff from Virgin Media, thanks very much. It is my civil liberty to be able to watch whatever I want online (given it is not illegal) and it is not OK for that to be taken away from me. Government intervention has gone too far when your access online is being restricted. I can only like it to the quote from Robert A. Henlein on censorship: “The whole principle is wrong; it's like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can't eat steak.” As long as what is being shown is not against the law, why should we be forbidden from seeing it?

It is another way for people to be made to feel dirty for doing what is normal. Pornography is certainly not a substitute for real human sexual interaction but when watched in moderation (both alone and as a couple) it can contribute to a healthy sex life. Yes, people have reported becoming addicted to it. But there are also sex addicts and alcoholics and those hooked on nicotine and none of those things are even considered taboo let alone illegal.

Parents – If you are worried your child is going to be scarred by the image of a couple having sex then please, firstly, get a grip. They see heads get kicked off in Tekken and people’s guts get blown up in action movies. They tell you they’re scared and traumatized because they’ve been caught. If they say it wasn’t their fault and they don’t know what happened then they’re not in trouble. No kid is going to tell their mum that they wanted to know what a woman’s downstairs looks like so they searched it on Google.

Furthermore if it’s that big an issue for you, feel free to add parental controls. It’s easy and free with most service providers. If that’s too hard for you? Well, you’re a lazy parent and any worries you profess to have are bullshit because if you cared that much you’d take the ten minutes and do it.

Personally, I don’t think it’s fair that busybodies and poor parenting should be to blame for censorship of the internet. Freedom is important whether it’s to be able to vote or to be able to look at fake tits and creepily large penises. WHO’S WITH ME?!

The Rise and Rise of The Lad

Lad culture was seen as something which originated in the 90s. Cheeky fellas like Damon Albarn et al getting drunk in Falkiraki and getting their bums out to bemused middle class families. And, yes, that may be correct. However, I put to you that lad culture has never really blossomed until our generation. There is only one piece of evidence I need to prove this: The fact that girls fancy Gaz from Geordie Shore.

If you’ve ever seen Geordie Shore you’ll be well aware of that it’s basically soft-core porn with added vomiting and jagerbombs. All fornication. All of the time. I actually find it highly entertaining (which probably says more about me than it does the show) but what constantly baffles me is that the men manage to get so much sex!

This is Gaz.

It might be down to personal taste but I think he looks like a weasel. He isn’t tall. His hair resembles a porcupine covered in bird shit. He does have muscles, granted, but that is definitely tainted by the addition of the warpaint all over his body which I can only assume is gravy.

His pulling  techniques include finding out where a girl is from and saying “Ah bet girls from (insert place name here) cannit kiss” and posting pictures of girls he’s had sex with sleeping the next morning on Twitter – entitling it “The Bed of Shame.”

Geordie Shore is a pretty candid show with no holds barred. He tells the camera that he’s a blatant player and wants all girls he brings back to be gone in the morning and never to be seen again. It is also a very popular show with young people so I’m sure the girls “tashing on” with this Neanderthal are aware of the fact that they are basically a vagina with a body to this bloke.

Is this really all women of 2012 expect for themselves!? It’s brilliant that women are now free to have as many casual sexual encounters as men. Yay equality! But for fuck’s sake, at least choose a man that takes your number and is averse to letting the whole world see your arse on MTV (if that situation ever were to arise).

You get girls that moan all over social networking sites that they wish they could find a man akin to Prince Charming or, better yet, Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. These are the same girls who let guys face-fuck them outside nightclubs while, as is often the case, jeering mates look on. They suck up to these guys by plastering on fake tan and back-coming their hair within in an inch of it’s life then slut-dropping all over the dancefloor. It embarrasses our gender and makes them look like desperate hookers. And for what? A three minute bang with photographic evidence for your dad to see on Facebook.

Lad culture is so much more aggressive now. Where once is was cheeky try-your-luck chat up lines it is now certain guys thinking it’s their God-given right on a night out to have sex. Girls facilitate this enormously by brown-nosing such silly bastards as though they are Adonises – They are not. They are orange jerk-offs wearing too much Topman.

So, ladies, his dick may be named “The Parsnip” but screw him and YOU will be nicknamed “The Town Bike”. His fake tan stains on your bedsheets may wash but the same of the fact you got used by a Lad will not. 

Cabaret Voltaire Rumours Quashed

A popular Edinburgh club venue officially closed its doors last week sparking fears for many Edinburgh students and locals.

Cabaret Voltaire, which has played host to such acts as Florence & The Machine, Hot Chip, Adele and Mumford & Sons shut on February 20^th but is set to reopen in March after a multi-million pound refurbishment.

However it seems that regulars of the nightclub and music venue fear that Edinburgh’s scene has been irreparably damaged and the new venture will simply be another club similar to that already available in the city.

After a recent gig at the venue which ended in many punters paying simply to see the band playing on a television screen, Scottish band, Frightened Rabbit’s frontman Scott Hutchison had this to say: “It's a shame. Aside from the recent disaster we had there, I have some great memories of Cab Vol. Some of our first Edinburgh shows took place there. The previous gig bookers were good people who cared about music. Though, as it stands I won't miss it. That said, it's a bit of a blow for Edinburgh's live music scene.”

Rumours that the club would be re-opening as “Prism” abounded online which was perpetuated further by a Facebook page which appeared for the apparent new venue.

 Messages were posted on the page such as “Cab Vol lives on. Like the main fanpage to be among the first to know about the launch party of the new club.” Furthermore the motto featured on its Facebook page is “New Name, Same Soul”.

However Rory Weller, Marketing and Communications Manager of G1 Group (who now own Cabaret Voltaire) confirmed that this was untrue. He said: “Curious about Prism - that's not something that we've ever mentioned. I've seen some Twitter chat about it but it's not something we're planning.”

Leisure industry giant G1 Group purchased the freehold of the nightclub in July 2011 and, while they suggested some changes may be made, promised that the promoter Sarah David would be given full autonomy running the venue.

Edinburgh’s nightlife has seen blow after blow as The Forest, Roxy Art House and The Lot all shut in 2011 and this year Bongo Club was given a notice to leave it’s premises in Moray House by the owners Edinburgh University,

Cabaret Voltaire is a mainstay with students in Edinburgh has won Best Nightclub at the Dram Awards and runner-up of the Best Late Night Venue at the Theme Awards.

The club is set over two rooms in the Cowgate area of Edinburgh and hosts around 30 gigs a month, helping many young Scottish bands find fame, including the aforementioned Frightened Rabbit among others.

Floristry Industry

VALENTINE’S Day and Mother’s Day, which used to bring in an increased amount of business to florists are now failing to attract customers, experts warned last night.

Florists have expressed their worry for the state of the industry due to the drop in trade they have been experiencing during the current recession.

The economic downturn has hit flower shops hard as competition from supermarkets and online operators is strong.

Caroline Marshall-Foster, editor of Florist and Wholesale Buyer magazine, warns that smaller retailers simply cannot match their large corporate spend and the convenience in which they offer which has left them fighting to keep their premises and livelihoods.

She said: “What doesn’t help florists is that you get an awful lot of online operators who order gather on an online basis which means local florists lose traffic due to the fact these companies have a much larger corporate spend and users are used to online purchasing.

More than 70% of the public’s current spend on flowers is confined to supermarkets, which may be linked to the fact that the average budget is £10.

As costs rise it seems everybody is feeling the pinch, with even the biggest supermarkets such as Tesco or Asda reducing the square footage devoted to flowers and the range available.”

Local florists, however, cannot match such low prices as they are unable to take advantage of economies of scale.

Due to the fact that flowers are a non-essential purchase people seem to be spending less on them as their disposable incomes decrease.

Jean Baker, owner of Rococo florists on Dalry Road, Edinburgh, says that she has had to in order to stay afloat: “I’ve had to drop my prices just to get by. People just can’t afford to spend what little money they have on flowers and what with the internet, there’s just so much more to choose from”.

The advice to consumers from Florist and Wholesale Buyer is to keep on buying from your local florists but shop around. “Order gatherers such as Interflora have a huge marketing budget which means you pay towards that. You also pay for the convenience of buying online or over the phone. Many local florists simply have what’s called lifestyle businesses whereby they don’t try and make a huge profit – just enough to get by. There’s also haggle room in smaller businesses, and that’s where customers make the savings.”

Valentine’s Day falls on the 14^th of February each year as a celebration of love and lovers. Traditionally red roses are given as gifts as well as other keepsakes. A study by Travelodge this year found that Brits spent over £880million on gifts with flowers being the top choice.

Mother’s Day is a day specifically for mother’s where children buy them gifts and cards. It occurs on the fourth Sunday of Lent which can fall between the 1^st of March and the 4^th of April.

Both of these dates are synonymous with commercialisation and it is often said that they were created by greetings card companies in order to make money.

For more information on the floristry industry go to www.fandwb.com

Evolution Of The Feminist

The stereotypical image of the hairy-legged, plump, saggy-breasted feminist is one which haunts women sharing their values even now. Feminists are frumpy with dank hair and wear jumpers made of hemp. They are dowdy and grey and boring. This is no longer the case. I believe, and it seems many others agree, that to go against oppression and subservience is to embrace your femininity rather than shun it.

Yes we are women! We look like them too! It's not about dressing for men as the more radical feminists would have you believe. They are, in fact, the ones dressing for men - Trying to look invisible or purposely unattractive. The modern liberated woman dresses for herself, mixing comfort with style in order to feel confident and assertive. If men find her attractive? So be it! That isn't what it's about. A successful businessman goes to work in a sharp suit not to impress women but to show he has made an effort. Looking good on the outside makes him feel good on the inside. To act any differently to this makes a mockery of feminism - where equality is at the core of the ideology.

Michelle Mone - Founder and CEO of MGM International; Lauren Laverne - Television and radio personality; Kate Nash - Singer/songwriter. These women can easily hold their own in a debate with a man and have all excelled in their chosen field while still having fun with fashion and not feeling the need to take on a masculine look.

If we women all dressed for men we would be wearing PVC bras and knickers not maxi dresses, cigarette pants and quilted waterproof jackets. Fashion itself is liberation. Women pay for their Chanel or Moschino themselves and such coveted items are emblems of their economic autonomy, showing that they make as much money as a man without having to mimic one with their wardrobe.

So the item I've got my eye on at the minute? A faux leather pencil skirt from the Topshop A/W collection. Am I buying it so my bum looks good to a man? No. Is it being bought for me by a man who wishes for me to look good on his arm? No. It's a foxy, fiesty piece with enough originality to be noticed by the fashion-savvy crowd but enough sophistication to show that I am dressing for me and wearing what I love rather than what men lust after.

Dream School Exposes Reality of Nightmare School System

If anyone has been watching Channel 4 over the past few weeks, they will have seen the adverts for the new show pioneered by TV chef Jamie Oliver. "Jamie's Dream School" takes failing students and puts them into a school where all the teachers are celebrities. David Starkey will teach history, Daley Thomson will be PE coaching and Sir Robert Winston will be the science professor. The question Mr Oliver is asking is "Could we get our kids' brains working differently? Make them want to actually turn up at school". Through taking people who children admire and look up to, Oliver is trying to see whether despondent pupils will find a new-found love for learning. It's something of a revolutionary idea, which many argue may change the British school system forever. However it is one which is creating a lot of opposition among 'everyday' teachers who are wondering why it is seemingly them who are being blamed for failing students across Britain.
On the forums on TES Connect, the leading website in the UK for teaching professionals, a storm seems to be brewing. Angry teachers are questioning Oliver's authority over the matter. What gives him the right to say that there are no 'dream teachers' already in schools?  Does he take the opinion that there is simply no skill in  the actual art of teaching itself? Is he saying that the failings of the education system are down to the lack of expertise on teachers' behalf? Many members are outraged at the fact that Oliver seems to be assuming such things. On the site's weekly poll the members were asked whether they think Jamie Oliver has what it takes to improve British schools. In a somewhat damning inictment 79.7% said no.
It would seem that the show has served to reveal many problems within the British teaching system from the over-zealous Ofsted to the highly restrictive health and safety requirements which prevent many teachers from being able the help children reach their full potential. Teachers on the site are speaking of how they are struggling daily in oversized classes with students who simply do not want to learn. Oliver is showing an idealised classroom with very few pupils where they are able to have much more attention lavished upon them than in a real classroom. One member on the forum, dogbert82 gave their opinion on the matter; "[He is] in a much better position to make [his] tutoring sessions fun because [he is] taking small, probably one-on-one sessions where they have specifically elected to be taught [the] particular subject. I'm sure it's a jolly little party for them. Try performing a regular job doing the same thing with 30 random 15 year olds and you'll find it doesn't work so well." Another member lizburf writes; " I worry this type of dream school undermines the value of trained teachers, continuing to support the theory that 'those that can; DO, those that can't; Teach.'" The daily school regime needs routine and formality - some state institutions have one thousand plus pupils and often staff shortages. Teachers are unsung heroes who often have to also be social workers, riot police and any number of other roles yet this show implies they are completely incompetent and failing children nationwide.
I honestly do not see what Jamie Oliver is trying to do with this new experiment of his. Hopefully some good will come out of it and he will get a harsh wake up call that the problems within the education system go far deeper than teachers and that his judgement was completely skewed in the first place by his own bad experiences with school.

A 21st Century Disturbance

Looking back on the riots of a few weeks ago I still feel almost dirty. It is as though by committing such crimes that particular group of young Brits have tarred the rest of their age group and nationality with the same brush. I recently heard something which completely illustrated exactly the reason for people's disdain for these criminals-

In Africa they're looting the grocery stores because they're starving to death. In Britain they loot and destroy simply because they can.

It is an apt statement. These kids may feel like they're deprived because they live on a council estate and don't have an ipad or a 3DTV. Yet they have no real experience of deprivation. Our welfare system, while ridiculed every day by tabloids, is one of the greatest in the world and provides as much as possible to make sure kids get the best start in life. I can guarantee that none of the rioters has ever experienced real hunger, having not eaten for weeks. I am sure that they have never not been able to receive inoculations, medical treatment or a social worker or counsellor to speak to about their problems. And if they have it is the fault of either themselves or their parents. In Britain today all you have to do is ask... And half the time you don't even have to!

They looted because they were bored or greedy. A modern disease in the western world. They want it, so regardless of whether or not they have worked for it, they think they can take it. They beat the corner shop owners they have seen most days of their lives, they burn down the homes of neighbours and schoolmates, they make aunties, uncles and friends forcibly redundant by wrecking their workplace. And who cares? Not them. They got a new flat screen.

All I could say to these people is how disappointed I am. They are despicable, stupid and completely ignorant and the sooner they learn not to bite the hand that feeds them the better. As for a solution.. Well, at risk of sounding like your grandmother they need a good hiding. Send them to prison with the big boys - The killers, the rapists, the hardened criminals. Then let them see how hard they are. Their greed and disregard for others is a modern capitalist epidemic which needs to be cured. Of course I agree with the idea that you need grassroots education and support in inner city areas synonymous with deprivation but I think these events showed us just how successful they have been. The softly softly approach has lost us a generation of people who now seem to be in a state of anomie. They looked almost feral as they ran through the streets with their bricks and poles. So if they want to act like animals they should be treated as such. And the best way to make a dog behave? Show them who's boss/

The Retail Blues

I write this while finishing the fifth consecutive day at work in a retail store. I've worked there since Christmas and I've got to be honest.. It is DRAINING. Yeah, there's the usual job gripes: Feet hurt from standing up all day, don't get paid enough, hours are too long, breaks are too short. That stuff, though, is easy. It comes with the territory of any job. However there's only one thing that really REALLY annoys me.. Customers.
Before I start let me say that I certainly don't mean all customers. Customer service is the best part of my job.. I enjoy helping people and I love it when someone leaves happy because of the assistance I gave them. The customers I'm referring to are the difficult, ignorant and aggressive people that I have to deal with on a daily basis. My proposal is that everyone on earth has to do a short, mandatory stint as a sales assistant in a clothes shop to learn some retail etiquette.. But I somehow don't think it's gonna catch on.
So here's some rules on how NOT to be that customer that every sales assistant hates.

• Politely ask for help if you need it. So that's no 'oi's' no clicking of fingers and no whistling. We are not dogs. It puts you on an already good footing if you simply say 'excuse me have you got a minute? I was looking for this in a different size/colour/fit/whatever'. 
• If you don't need help and staff ask if you're ok or need anything don't scowl or be rude to them. It's part of their job. You'd be quick to complain if you needed help and weren't approached.
• In the event of that particular shop not having the item you want don't blame the staff. It's not the end of the world that you can't have that new pair of shoes right this instant. Accept it as one of life's mild annoyances.. Like rain on a Saturday.
• When rifling through clothes on the rack keep in mind that the mess you make will eventually have to be cleaned up. That top that fell off the hanger won't miraculously jump back on and that dress you placed on a rail full of trousers won't somehow walk back to it's allocated spot. Yes it is a sales assistant's job to do such things and we will do it.. But it shows a distinct lack of respect to have no regard for that fact. If you were in a fast food restaurant you'd clear your table - It's the same principle.
• Remember that we WANT to help you. It makes our days go much quicker when we have a creative task such as picking your outfit for your work night out. This, again, is within reason. Asking for every shoe in stock in a size 8 because you can't decide crosses that line.
• SMILE!!!!

Trouble In Egypt

Two days ago, stories filled the pages of every newspaper in the country of the riots in Egypt; We saw scenes of vehement civilians running through the streets showing their defiance against their political leader. One man steadfastly held his position in front of a huge tank which looked as though it would have had no problem swiftly crushing him. Another climbed up and tore into a colossal canvas poster of the Eqyptian Prime Minister Hosni Mubarak and plumetted to the ground in a positively cringe-worthy fall.
Most Westerners have been conditioned into believing that when Muslim communities come out in their droves to protest about something it is usually to oppose American or British interference. We picture hysterical radicals chanting in Arabic and shrieking and hollering wildly, cars being set on fire and naive young children following their parents into the dangerous crowd. It may be stereotypical but this is all we have seen from the news coverage of Muslim countries. We fear Eastern nations as we know them to have different values and very different rules about what is right and wrong.
Yet, I could not help but feel wholly proud after seeing this coverage, and also astounded at my own level of ignorance and small-mindedness. Here were well educated, well informed individuals speaking rationally about their struggle for democracy and why they were revolting against Mubarak's three decade regime. No shrieking or hysterical behaviour whatsoever; just young and old alike coming together for democracy - something we Westerners hold so dearly in our own countries.
Furthermore, women and men were involved. It's so easy to think that Muslim cultures treat women as second class citizens because they are 'forced' to wear burkhas and seemingly not encouraged into education. However these women i saw were speaking with the utmost intelligence and the burkhas only served to show that they themselves were preserving their decorum and dignity so as not to be objectified as mere female bodies (which is unlike most of us British women can say for ourselves).
I was impressed with a wise and richly cultured people and i felt truly ashamed that i, like many others, had held unjustified preconceptions about predominantly Muslim cultures. I think what is needed more than anything in these uncertain times between the east and west is education. Education about how others live their lives, about the people behind the dictators and about the similarities we share. Otherwise, i fear it could be too late for us to reconcile our behaviour - and i feel strongly that half of the world is too many people to alienate ourselves from.

UCAS

It's university applications time and stress has inevitably ensued. Mine was sent on Christmas day (only to add to the abject bleakness of that particular day) and I have, so far, received one reply - a rejection. Needless to say I'm completely downcast. 

• Granted it was a huge stretch of the imagination expecting to get in anyway with grades well below the entry requirements. 
• Granted I can't afford to pay for an English uni as well as the cost of living in London. #
• Also granted I have attachments here in Scotland and I wouldn't leave certain people here for anything. 

But that still doesn't take away from the fact that it is a rejection. They still don't want me there; I am still not good enough for them. I just get angrier and sadder. On the upside though, I was on the online forum 'The Student Room' and was looking through a couple of general threads about UCAS offers. Basically, some of the people on that site (most of whom have gained conditionals) are a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Surely if they can get in somewhere then someone like me who has, at least, a grain of common sense can. And if not, then I wouldn't want to be there anyway ;). 

My Addiction

I'm back on it again, the form of musical heroin that keeps me awake at nights. It's The Cribs, the band which i will never have enough of. The title of this blog explains it all.. That underlying anger at the world which makes many a decent band into iconic figures. The thing I love the most about The Cribs (apart from the obvious great music) is the fact that they are working class. It's a silly thing iIknow, but if you're familiar with the indie scene at the moment you'll be aware of the fact that there is A LOT of well off-perfectly presented-decked out in all the Topman their artist parents could afford bands singing about.. Well not very much if I'm honest. The Cribs are my choice because they show their disdain freely for jumped-up scenesters who obviously spend about 6 hours a day in front of their bathroom mirror. They actually remind me of myself in some ways: My English teacher HATES to like me. She is part of the literary set who have nasal voices and won't read Welsh because it's not good enough for 'them'. I entered her advanced higher class and she obviously wanted me gone immediately. With my working class accent and lack of desire to enter Oxbridge higher education, she took one look at me and said 'unintelligent'. This was until she read my pieces.. Still she critiques them so much harder than the rest of the class. So I fight back, iIdo what the Cribs do.. I get better every time, just to show her that I AM smart enough to be there, I CAN show up the rest of the class and there is no way that my background affects the quality of my work, it in fact enriches it because I've got more life experience than anyone there ('born in the same expensive house they live in now, dad's a GP, mummy's a full-time housewife' children). The Cribs are my working class heroes, who inspire me to defend myself by always being better. In years to come when I meet that teacher again I'll be glad to say that however I've turned out at least i didn't get there because of my posh accent and wad of cash.. I worked fucking hard for everything i have.

Kwilliam?

So.. The most politically correct young couple in the country have finally announced their engagement. Good for them! There's all this talk, especially where i live in Scotland about how we shouldn't have a royal family. My view on the subject is that getting rid of the royals would be like banning tartan in Scotland. They cost what is, essentially, a pittance of the taxpayers' money and bring in an enormous amount of revenue in tourism. We spent 105 BILLION on welfare this year compared to the queen's estimated spending of £14million. Tourism contributes £76 billion to the economy with this coming, in the main, from London (home of her majesty herself). Let's weigh that up shall we? I say we wish Kate and Wills the best of luck for the future and enjoy a day off of work on their wedding day instead of prattling on about nonsense.